It is our policy to conduct business in a consistent way, and without the excuse of national events interrupting service levels.
This is not just a cultural commitment on the part of the organisation; it is our assertion of our right to be miserable bastards.
If you wish to display a flag to express your inexplicably ridiculous nationalist tendencies, in order to prevent conflict with our Equal Opportunity and Diversity Policy, you must display the flag of every nation taking part in the Olympic Games and take them home with you at the end of the working day. You must come in sufficiently early in order to make time to put up the decoration in the first place.
Office banter will be banned throughout the duration of the Olympic Games. Due to the risk of derogatory comments about a particular national representative sports person being perceived as harassment on the grounds of race, leading to costly anti-discrimination tribunals, any discussion of the Games that happens within 50 feet of the workplace must be conducted in a 1950’s style BBC documentary.
Time off during the Olympic Games will be awarded on the basis of relative unimportance. If you feel unimportant then feel free to ask for time off. If many people wish to take holiday at the same time the names will be entered into a hat and drawn at random by an ethnically neutral person of average height.
This policy has been adopted by the Company main board. The board attaches the utmost importance to this policy and applies a ‘zero tolerance’ approach to acts of pointless national pride during this 4 week period.
Our procedures include board level responsibility for this area, risk-based reviews of contracts and activities, a rigorous staff training programme and the introduction of a confidential whistle-blowing mechanism via The Big Company Group Plc.